Common Ground (#atozchallenge)

"Dog training" is a misnomer. It makes one think that it's the dog that's going to be trained.

In fact, it's the human.

Good human. I knew you'd get it eventually.

The dog's going to learn all sorts of nifty tricks, but the human... The human's outlook on life will go through tectonic transformation.

What dog training achieves is communication. Effective, two-way communication.

Surprised? Your dog won't be. For him/her, you've been communicating all along (body language, remember?). Not very efficiently, but communicating nonetheless. If you listen closely, you might hear a sigh of relief (finally! this human is getting it!). But surprise? Amazement? No. Dogs don't underestimate us.

We, on the other hand... Well, it's understandable. We headed over to our neighborhood trainer for housebreaking chew-it-all issues and all of a sudden--ohmygod, the dog speaks! And listens! He understands us! And we can understand him!

See, what these "dog" training sessions do is help us establish a common ground. Because there is no possibility for effective communication without a common ground.

Double OK sign means "I want to stay down here
forever." (Yes, that's me.)

Have you ever visited a foreign country whose language you didn't speak? Or imagine that proverbial scenario of the (friendly) alien landing in your backyard. Sign language, you say? Unless the signs mean the same thing to both of you, you might be getting into worse trouble.

Example: for pilots, a thumbs-up sign means OK. For divers, the sign for OK is a circle with thumb and forefinger. Thumbs-up means, literally, UP--which creates misunderstandings, some funny, some life-threatening, between a pilot and his dive instructor.

Without going to foreign, or alien, or underwater, or 30-mile-high extremes, finding common ground for communication--even though it seems like, well, common sense--is something we too often fail to do. Every individual in our small, daily world has a unique language, a unique background that shapes the way they express themselves.

Failure to accept this is what leads to prejudice.

Without a trainer to interpret for others--and for us--it's up to each one of us to make the effort. Listen. Don't jump to conclusions. Don't assume everyone uses words in the same way we do, or with the same intentions.

Let's make sure we find, at least try to find, that common ground. Before getting angry or hurt at what someone says.

Beggin' You Please (#atozchallenge)

Ah, Benny. It's so hard to say No to that face.

Dog training is based on a simple concept: reinforce the behavior you want.

Dog sits, dog gets treat. Behavior reinforced.

Simple.

(I can hear all you dog owners laughing already.)

Here's my scenario every morning at the patio doors: seven furry babes ("babes" that on average weigh 20kg) clamor to get in. Against the glass doors.

Instinct takes over. I run to get the door open before someone breaks that glass.

Next morning, same thing. The one after that? Mm-hmm. And it doesn't take Cesar Millan to help me figure out why.

I'm reinforcing the behavior. I'm telling my dogs that the key to getting inside as fast as possible is to jump against the (glass, dammit) doors. Oh, see the human run! It works, guys! One more time, everybody together!

Training doesn't only happen from human to dog; this here's a great example of dog-to-human. You don't like me banging against this transparent thing? Well, then: HURRY UP. That's it, good human. I'll stop the banging now.

Kids--newborn babies, teenagers--do this to their parents all the time. Adults do it to each other. It's conditioning, a kind of Pavlov response; that's how all us animals learn about controlling our universe.

And we keep on doing it. Consciously or otherwise.

Which is why it's a good idea to take a look at the conflicts in our lives and ask ourselves if maybe, just maybe, there's a bit of conditioning at work here. What behaviors do we reinforce in others--and in ourselves? What behaviors do others reinforce in us? What do we reward? How do we reward it? Are we absolutely sure that we're reinforcing the behavior we want?

Or are we racing to open those glass doors?

Attitude & Authenticity (#atozchallenge)

Did you know that dogs can't lie? Well, they can't. I'm sure they'd like to. When you come home to a living room covered in feathers from the new sofa's cushions, I'm sure they'd love to be able to look at you in the eye and give the performance of a lifetime.

Thank you, Claudia Sanches, for the photos!

But they can't. Because their communication--oh yeah, they do "talk"--is based on body language. Dogs are the original heart-on-their-sleeve characters. Even if they don't wear sleeves.

Nope, they can't lie to you. But you can't lie to them, either. They read you like a Vegas billboard lighting up the sky. No vet, you say? Uh-huh, well, I'll just stay here under the bed if it's all the same to you.

This isn't some kind of psychic canine ability, either. All animals communicate this way. Including humans.

As wonderful as speech and words are, they're also a hindrance. Words can't substitute attitude--and I can't understand why we keep trying to do exactly that.

You don't have to tell a dog to walk the talk. The dog's walk is the dog's talk.

Thank you, Claudia Sanches, for the photos!

A dog's attitude tells you everything you need to know about him/her. Self-assured or insecure. Confident or scared. Hungry or satisfied. Sad or happy. Interested or bored. Apprehensive or curious.

How much simpler would our lives be if we did a bit more of that, too? How much more fulfilling, more authentic?

The lesson here is twofold. First: practice reading body language--your own, and others'. Wean yourself from the dependence on words, on what s/he said. Language is only 7% of a person's meaning.

Second: don't talk what you can't walk. Or, like Hemingway said, "Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk."